The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
