Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
