worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
