how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
