2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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