Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
