3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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