Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
