I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
