I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You took a bar mat shot.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
