Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
