thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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