but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
