I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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