my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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