I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
