WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We're too hungover to prance.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
