you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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