I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You dont lie about slip and slides
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
