how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
