she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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