Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry asdfg12 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(506): View more from New Brunswick

drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure

Fav 12 3295 1267
share tweet
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.

Fav 27 1217 6701
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(864): View more from South Carolina

we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me

Fav 27 4237 1108
share tweet
(456): View more from

im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out

Fav 27 4368 1333
share tweet
(480): View more from Arizona

She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like

Fav 54 11663 1716
share tweet
(508): View more from Massachusetts

Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.

Fav 12 7721 1271
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(480): View more from Arizona

im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk

Fav 6 5452 1065
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(503): View more from Oregon

Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?

Fav 6 705 508
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(619): View more from California

I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.

Fav 0 6 31
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT