May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
40s are totally the cure
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
