I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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