I forgot how hot balto sounded
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
