did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
