Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
