I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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