I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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