I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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