Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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