He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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