i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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