My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
