well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just cut my nipple shaving
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
