please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you would pick up someone in the library
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
