you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize