Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
