i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
