the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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