Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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