I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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