Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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