My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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