I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
