He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
bring money and cleavage
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
