A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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