There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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