note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
