No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
