I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize