i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
