i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
