Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
