Who did Billy Mays play for?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
