making cat noises will not fix the situation.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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