dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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