All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You did what with his pubic hair?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
