apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
