Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
