Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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