whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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