I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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