he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
