I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
