My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
