There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
