it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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