Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
