Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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