you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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