this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
