My hand turned me down
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
